14 Oct Why shouting isn’t your actual problem
You don’t have a problem with shouting. That’s the surface, the reaction, the explosion that says ‘enough!’ It’s entirely reasonable to expect that when someone is pushed to their limits they might blow. We aren’t super-human, even if we try to be.
Our lives are complicated. There’s no one way to be a great parent and the pressure to be that just adds to the possibility of losing it.
If you are feeling like you spend too much time teetering on the edge of exploding or imploding at your kids, look at what’s underneath the surface.
What’s really going on?
Listen to the voice inside you, what do you need? What would make the difference between you being a shouty parent or someone who feels in control? What is contributing to the stress in your life?
Often it comes down to resources. Time, money, lack of emotional support. You may identify some very real and practical things that would make a difference – how can you integrate them into your life? What needs to happen?
One of the things that made all the difference to me when I was struggling as a single parent with two young children was finding out what I was entitled to in terms of financial help. I also found getting together with other mums invaluable for emotional support. I was ‘Less Shouty’ on days when I felt, in some way, looked after. Sometimes we have to do that for ourselves, what does that mean for you?
Think of the things you can put in place that release some pressure, allow yourself to have a 5minute moment every hour or so where you just B-R-E-A-T-H-E. Ground yourself. Nothing has to happen. Tell yourself ‘I do not need to do anything right now’ (nine times out of ten you don’t). It’s a bit like with a pressure cooker, it won’t do that terrifying hiss if you adjust the valve. ADJUST THE VALVE PEOPLE!
Along with this, if you have noticed that there’s a pattern to your shouty reactions to your children then there are ways to deal with that. If you know that certain behaviour triggers you, then it’s worth having a look at why that might be. Often we are repeating patterns we have learned as we grew up and we need some help to re-programme ourselves with a more appropriate response. If this is you then the online course ‘When Your Kids Push Your Buttons’ will help. You can access it now via my website www.mirandawebb.co.uk
Please get in touch if you would like to discuss working on this one-to-one, I am opening up a couple of spaces to work with parents who feel they would like extra support, this will be in the form of online in-person sessions with me and focused on your specific challenges.
Use the contact form or email firstname.lastname@example.org